He Is Your Destiny, And He Is Your Doom
by queen-morgana
Summary: A series of Merlin/Morgana one-shots.


_Prompt: Mergana: early series 3, Merlin tearfully explaining his reasons behind poisoning her and begging her forgiveness, and Morgana realizing that she DOES understand and he DIDN'T have any other choice and finding that she DOES forgive him. _

"I know what you did," she said a glint in her eyes as she gazed at Merlin across the room. "You tried to poison me." She watched as Merlin simply stood there with an array of emotions flickering across his face. He looked so sad and so relived and so torn. She had never seen Arthur's servant in such a state before, well that was a lie she had seen him this way only once and it had killed her in more than just a physical way.

"I didn't want to," was all he could manage to say in response. Morgana could have seethed at this. That was all he could come up with? _He didn't want to_? All the nightmares that she had suffered over the past year, even with Morgause's bracelet, and all he could say was that he did not want to poison her? It was almost unbearable. She took in a steadying breath.

"It's alright Merlin," she lied smiling a little to reassure him. "You did it to save your friends. I would have done the same."

Merlin nodded uncertainly. She saw the doubt in his eyes as she spoke. Did he regret what he had done to her? His response to her initial accusation had given her little comfort. Images flashed before her eyes of her fighting, frantically moving her arms to get him away from her as he pulled her into his arms. She always woke up after he took her into his arms. She would wake up desperate and gasping for air as she had that fateful day.

"But it's not," Merlin said taking Morgana by surprise. She looked at him and watched him inhale and exhale very slowly multiple times before speaking again. "It's not alright, Morgana. I should have been there for you. I should have done so many things differently. I had a chance to save you from the ordeal you suffered last year and I didn't." Morgana couldn't respond. Her voice had escaped her. What was he talking about? What did he mean he could have helped her? Her mind went back to when she had pleaded for him to help her with her magic when Gaius would not. Had he been holding back? What had he been holding back? She became slightly uneasy as she watched him.

"What are you talking about Merlin?" she asked finally finding her voice again. "What could you possibly have done before that would have changed any of this?"

"I betrayed you," Merlin said sinking to the ground as he spoke. She watched as he got on his knees before her. Of all the things she had foreseen happening when she returned to Camelot, she certainly had not foreseen this.

"Merlin I hardly believe this is a time for stating the obvious," she said coldly, trying to keep herself together as she watched him on his knees. Merlin just shook his head at that. She could see the conflict in his eyes. What could he possibly be hiding?

"Well yes that particular moment would be me stating the obvious," he said shakily. "but that's not what I'm referring to."

"Well," Morgana said feeling the icy tone in her voice returning. This was not going to be good at all and she knew it.

"I misled you," Merlin said and with a nervous shake of his head he lifted out his hands and whispered a spell and Morgana gasped as a candle on her dresser flickered and slowly rose and then sank back to its normal size. She stared, remembering the fear that she had felt when she had done the same spell, only she could not control it as Merlin seemed to be able to.

"You have magic?" she said in a whisper.

"I was born with it." Merlin answered in a voice that was barely audible. Morgana could only stare at him. She vaguely understood why he had not told her this before but at the same time she was enraged that he had not helped her. So many druid's lives could have been saved if he'd simply helped her himself.

"W-why?" she asked. That was all she could get out but Merlin seemed to understand her question.

"Why couldn't I tell you?" Morgana nodded. "Gaius forbade me from helping you. He said it would be dangerous. Another advised me not to speak of it to you either and I took their warnings seriously until last year, when I betrayed you a second time. I swore to myself then that if you ever found your way back to us I would be honest with you. I would help you in any way I could. I would trust you as I should have before. I understand if you do not trust me. I would not trust me either if I were in your position but I hope that in time you will understand why I could not tell you before and I hope in time that you can forgive me."

Morgana could not speak. She could not move either. Her body was frozen and she felt numb. IT was hard to really do much of anything as the shock of the truth and everything else that he was not saying finally became clear to her. Could she really forgive him for all these things that he done to her? He had betrayed her twice that she knew of. What would Morgause think if she knew about this? She would tell her that she could not trust Merlin and Morgana normally would agree with her. But as Morgana looked into those piercing blue eyes she could not help but feel something. She was not quite sure what emotion she was feeling exactly. It certainly was not love but it was not hatred either. She knew she should hate him. Every fiber of her being was telling her to hate this man who had lied to her and deceived her at every turn but as she stared into his eyes she could not help but forgive him. His eyes were like a mirror of her own.

"You had nightmares too." She said as she looked at him. He nodded.

"Every night I dream of it," he said. She nodded.

"I think I can forgive you," she said slowly and she watched as his eyes widened in surprise. He had not expected this. "But I will need more time." Merlin nodded and slowly rose to his feet once again.

"Thank you, my lady," Merlin said quickly and she nodded before watching him leave the room.

**A/N: Well I did my best with this. I was not quite sure I could have Morgana forgive him instantly. I don't think tkhat would be believable for her character at this point in the series but she tries. I will have more Mergana oneshots to come soon. Reviews are always appreciated**


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